Pecan Pie

Social Anxiety from the South

I’m Sick of Being a Feminist.

I’m sick of being a feminist


Are you?  The new Republican Congress has started its session by attacking women’s rights on pretty much all fronts.

I’m just not sure I care all that much.

I was told today that I was showing “too much skin” which, honestly, is a rarely occurring complaint for those with a penis, and yet, beyond my basic standing up for myself, I really…

Just didn’t care.


I’m…sick of it.  Quite honestly, I’m done.  I get it.  Being a woman is hard.  We’ve always known it was hard.  Our mothers and grandmothers minced no words with us as children and reared us to be prepared for the lives of women.




The lives of female citizens.


I spoke with my mentor yesterday; a woman, a professor, a champion of women’s rights, and I said, “You know, I’m reading about feminist theory and evangelical Christianity.  They are two of my biggest interests and yet, I can’t find it in myself to commit to a thesis on one, both or either.”


“I know.  It really just gets old, doesn’t it?”
Well.  Yeah.

So, what does that make me?  I guess it makes me tired.  I’m tired of championing a cause that ought to have died during the ‘60s and the Civil Rights era.  And yet it prevails.  Beyond the idea of basic human rights, the idea of rights as a woman still makes people, women even, practically cringe at the idea, the notion of equity.

And I just don’t know what to do.  Am I failed as a feminist sociologist?  Or am I just sick of fighting for a cause that quite honestly should have been won and retired a million years ago?


I’m just not sure.  Do you know?


Written by thelittlepecan

February 16, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Posted in atheism

19 Responses

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  1. My guess is that you’re tired of fighting for something that doesn’t really change anything. Rights are good and useful, but you have to get society to agree with them rather than beating or isolating anyone who doesn’t agree.
    The feminist movement is now at a point where the general population doesn’t really care – particularly men. Men feel oppressed by it, as if nothing they could ever do could fix anything, and if they did fix something, the movement would only ask for more out of them. That’s why they’re not willing to go along with it anymore.
    If you want to institute social change, you have to get men to agree with you, even if you’re fighting against them. Otherwise, violence will only increase because of mounting frustrations in men, and who do you think will feel the brunt of that violence? Not the women who oppress them, but rather the everyday woman who does or doesn’t adhere to feminism.
    If you’re actually wanting change to happen, and you want feminism to be listened to and worth something, then be willing to give up the rights you’ve worked so hard to get, and start trying to come to some sort of agreement between men and women. In society, and well as evangelicalism everything starts with giving up one’s rights in order to attain to the goal represented therein.


    August 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    • Super inmfroative writing; keep it up.


      September 9, 2011 at 4:33 am

  2. “MetalCowgirl, that’s crap you hear from the main stream media ”

    HAHA! I have been accused of listening to main-stream media. That’s hilarious. Mark that one down.

    No, sorry, I have been staying home with my kid and I get shit for it constantly, whether its direct criticism from my family (including refusing to help me out in any way because I don’t “deserve” it cause I have no job), or just “the look” or the occasional sarcastic comment I wasn’t supposed to notice from friends. Now that I have a job, everyone thinks its the most wonderful thing that could happen to me…but actually it was only a necessity. I’m not happy that we can’t live on my fiance’s income, especially considering he should make so much more in his field of work. It IS expected in society that everyone have a job. You’re not supposed to live off one income anymore according to society, that’s considered laziness (which is ridiculous because it used to be common practice).

    I now happen to make $6 MORE per hour than my fiance, and I didn’t even go to school for my job, he did. (We’re in the same industry.) Oh, I’m so oppressed . I just don’t get feminism. Sorry. Sure, there’s bosses who prefer men, there’s always going to be a jerk. But I’ve worked for two bosses who preferred women. Why aren’t they in the wrong too? I just don’t see the inequality.


    February 18, 2011 at 11:44 am

    • Not seeing inequality in your own life doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Women still make less than men by an average of .70 to the $1.00. I personally am just frustrated because it is still so prevalent and I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and talking to myself.


      February 18, 2011 at 12:04 pm

      • I wonder exactly where these industries are, because last I checked, the big box stores, fast food restaurants, etc. all pay men and women equal amounts based on minimum wage and their length of employment.
        I see inequality when women get preferential treatment because “quotas” need to be met. I see inequality when scholarships are given only to women. I see inequality when women try to say they are only trying to become equal with men.

        There are differences between men and women, both physical and emotional. They problem solve in different ways. You can say it’s a learned behaviour, but then again, so is the desire for equality to mean sameness in every way. Women are not men, and men are not women – we share many things, but we are different. It is simply evil for a man to ever say anything like that, though. Or believe that our differences should influence our places in society.


        August 26, 2011 at 6:42 pm

  3. Feminist here! I’m not giving up. You can’t either. I won’t let you! MetalCowgirl, that’s crap you hear from the main stream media – I stay home with my 5 kids and it isn’t all mutually exclusive with feminism. Married women, before the feminist movements, were property of their husbands -then sons- with little to no rights.
    Lisa, “feminism” fights for exactly what you’re talking about.
    Feminism is about equality of the sexes. Yes, feminists (there are some exceptions, as always) do want men to be happy, emotionally healthy, physically healthy. Feminism isn’t just about women. Many who don’t know the history of feminism are easily fooled by the fact that the word has ‘fem’ in it.
    The point is that all people and the work they do should be valued equally.
    I’m sick of it too, Alana. It’s not feminism I’m sick of though.It’s the bullshit people think passes for feminism.

    Dianna Pax

    February 17, 2011 at 11:41 am

    • * isn’t AT all mutually exclusive (sorry, I’m breastfeeding and typing with one hand.)

      Dianna Pax

      February 17, 2011 at 11:42 am

  4. I can completely understand getting tired and fed up with the whole thing!! When women DO get many of the “man” jobs, they are expected to work ever harder to prove themselves so instead of getting your dream job, you are getting a punishment. Usually, for less pay. Yet we must prevail and presist or who shall do battle for the ones that can not? The opressed and the wronged in many instances do not have the means or even the strength. If we do not fight for ourselves, we must fight for them as I once, fought for my small child until she was old enough to pick up the sword and battle on her own.

    Melodie Copeland

    February 17, 2011 at 11:02 am

  5. Who complained?! Dumbass…
    I think our best method of fighting this battle is to expect correct treatment, and behave as if it should be there.. people need to be edumacated, sometimes our behavior as example is all we have.
    I myself have spent a good portion of my life doing *male* jobs.. I opened two up in my current company alone.. if you show the powers that be that their expectations of women are wrong- sometimes they are open minded enough to change.. I like the kind of jobs that require physical exertion, getting dirty etc.. paper pushing etc (dealing with people) is not for me. And I HAHAHA can definitely hang with the boys and their boy talk- usually I defeat them- ;P pretty grrls can be overwhelming to men ya know.. and I’m not shy when it comes to men- I know where I stand with them (they want to have sex duh)
    So, since I am a rather unique specimen of femalehood (6′ and 220- and strong like a football player) I have been able to get doors to open for me that have stayed open for others.. then women who aren’t built like me can come in and show that they are capable as well..
    not sure WHAT that has to do with your frustration Alana, unless maybe to say that making it more part of your life and relying less on the idealogical side may help…


    February 17, 2011 at 10:19 am

  6. Meh… I just don’t care about “feminism”.
    People are people… sex, race, etc. I don’t care about any of it and I’d rather not have the focus be on whether I’m white, female, 40, or what. Judge me on my merits… not how I look or what sex I am.

    lisa matthews

    February 17, 2011 at 9:07 am

  7. I’ve never been a feminist. I just don’t get it. Yeah, there’s some really physical and demanding jobs out there that are mostly run by guys. I don’t care. I understand why it wasn’t appealing to allow women in the military. I had the same experience at work at one time when our department, which happened to be all women, aquired a new employee, which was a guy. It sucked that we couldn’t keep talking and laughing about “girl stuff” all day anymore because it might make him uncomfortable. It sucks to suddenly have to worry about offending the opposite sex. And I don’t blame the opposite sex for this, I blame society for putting these unreachable expectations on the sexes so that they have to be careful what they say around each other. What will happen if you did reach your goal of “equality”? Its already uneven. Women are not allowed to be physically harmed, it is VERY morally wrong in the US. Men, however, can get the snot beat out of them regularly and no one looks twice. Fighting is a guy thing, just suck it up. Women are able to vent their emotions on the outside, men are not. Men are not allowed to. They hold their emotions inside and are probably in much worse shape emotionally than us…we just can’t tell because we expect them to keep it in. Men are almost always found to be at fault when involved in anything sexual that might have been unwanted. The list goes on. Women may have different problems, but I think men have just as many to complain about…only society doesn’t allow them to. I think the feminist movement was good to a point…to the point where we gained our freedom from not being allowed to vote and things like that. But now this movement has given rise to the EXPECTATION that we work instead of caring for our children and homes. Once we were expected to raise children, now we are expected to work. Neither of those are freedom.


    February 17, 2011 at 12:49 am

    • I’m not sure any of us have freedom, Becky and that a whole ‘nother post!


      February 17, 2011 at 12:57 am

  8. I mean, really, it was so bad today I really felt like I needed a shower after all that bullshit was thrown over me.


    February 17, 2011 at 12:29 am

  9. Well, damn how do you think I feel?! I – I – I was in a position in the first place to even be able to say those horrible words “Today, Gle –” oh no, I just can’t type it again. And then, THEN I ended up having to walk home after all when the ride fell through. Four hours in front of Faux Noise when had I known I could have walked way earlier.

    Do you KNOW how long it will take to block the trauma? Despite the hilarity of their closed-captioning. That’s good stuff there.

    Yeah, I know that is what the point of feminism was, and what it should be, and I agree, it should have been accepted and moved past decades ago. What people really are — male or female — is ridiculous.


    February 17, 2011 at 12:28 am

  10. Today, Glen Beck was championing human rights, and horrified by the treatment of Middle Eastern females and people of minority religions as second-class citizens.

    I nearly choked on the overwhelming irony there.

    Dunno. I don’t get why people can’t just be seen as people, and some are male and some are female.


    February 17, 2011 at 12:05 am

    • I think I may barf. I may also commit to being a misogynist for the rest of my life. Happy?

      I would love for people to be seen as people, which is what feminism was originally about. Equity, not better than.

      I still believe feminism is about that, I’m just…sick of the fight.

      I suspect all social scientists feel this way about causes that are important to them. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.


      February 17, 2011 at 12:14 am

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