Pecan Pie

Social Anxiety from the South

Posts Tagged ‘fat


I’ve been in a running slump. Since December…but if I’m honest with myself it’s been a slump since last summer. Didn’t train for my marathon, really after Peachtree, it was a hot mess.

Well, fortunately, I have friends. AND I have a new friend who can’t run right now and is living a little bit vicariously through other people who care for her.

I promised her I would run.

Promises matter.

I’ve always tried to remember that there are those of us who love to run, but we can’t always do it.

So I should, when I can. Which, so far, is all the time.

I’m a lazy ass.



I was looking for a place to wear it. Gorgeous new bikini. Part of my plan to love my body more and give fewer fucks about other people.

So, I ran (I ran so far awaaayyy). Then I came to the pool. I showered and put on my new Sorella bikini. Slipped on my cork heeled sandals…and found a place to put my lounge chair, book and cooler.

So I’m here…spotting the other beautiful fat women and men. Considering the courage it takes all of us just to share in this little spec of summer fun.

And I’m feelin’ good. (Cue Nina.)

Adult swim comes and I set down my autobiography, tuck my beverage under my beach chair…and I stroll.

I don’t walk quickly or run. I’m not ducking.

My head is held high.

I’m prepared to tell any fat-shaming ass to go fuck himorherself, but I’m really not expecting it.

I’m making the assumption that I’m beautiful.  I’m sexy and everyone else here thinks so, too.

Or they aren’t paying attention…and that’s just fine.

Today is a win in my journey to body love.

Don’t like it, well, that’s probably real sad for you.

Written by thelittlepecan

May 29, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Posted in equality, Running

Tagged with , ,

I Think I Hate My Body

Which is stupid, right?

So, I had cosmetic surgery recently. I have a lot of feelings about it, not the least of which is-how does a body positive, sex and image advocate decide to do that?

And I know that post-surgery blues and questions are common.

Lamictal, yo.

But I realized at lunch today…alone, because I like to take myself out, a lot…that I think about my body constantly.

And not in a good way.

In an ever perfecting way.

Stand up straighter.
Walk more confident.
Pull up your jeans.
Suck in your stomach.
I think I have a gorgeous face. Beautiful hair. Awesome ass…and super cute feet.

Have you seen my legs?

But all together I think I hate it.

Why would I spend so much time criticizing it so much otherwise?

And I don’t think I should change.

I think you should change.

I think you should stop expecting women to look any type of way. I think you should stop over sexualizing female bodies and thinking that some ridiculous Photoshopped version of Jennifer Lawrence is ideal or even realfuckingistic. I think you should stop judging your worth by your pant size and see that you are an academic a mother a wife a teacher a motherfucking life changer and get on the bandwagon of your own goddamned self. This life you have is amazing and if you don’t press the gas, someone will stomp on the fucking brakes.


That’s it.

that’s to me. And you, if you need it.

That’s all.

Written by thelittlepecan

January 23, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Posted in Sociology

Tagged with , , , ,